How to Gather
Transform gathering into unforgettable learning and connection
To lead, you have to be good at gathering. And if you gather well, you’re more than halfway to where you want to be. This is a quick, hard-won, well-researched, much-practiced guide to backing up your ideas and leadership with impactful gathering.
If you need to create a space for growth and connection, facilitate an important conversation or just plain lead a workshop, I’m sharing my step-by-step process to do just that.
1) Prep your nervous system
Before I show up for meaningful situations and conversations, I make sure I’m showing up in as much of a parasympathetic state (“rest and digest”) as possible.
My energy will set the tone of the energy in the room, and to achieve a flow state, I need to be energized, but not anxious. If I’m stepping into an anxiety-inducing activity (hello, any performance-style situation), I need to work extra hard to focus my mind and body beforehand, and flow is the most effective physical state for excellence with ease.
Here is my mind prep for facilitation, speaking, workshops, etc:
Review my notes, slides, etc.
Go for a 20-60 minute walk to let my mind wander and clear my head
Come back for a meditation that can vary between 7 minutes to 25 minutes
Move my phone and any other distractions to a drawer or to another room
Close my eyes, take some slow, light, and diaphragmatic breaths
Open my eyes
Say a little prayer or pump myself up
Get started
Please note: Similar to a theater actor who technically performs for 3 hours a day during a show, the warm-up and mental preparation to give your full presence to an audience can be 1-3+ hours, if not more. At least for me, in my acting and theater days, that’s how long it took. And it was time well spent.
2) Start with gratitude
I’m not a Buddha. When a speaking engagement or workshop begins, my heart rate is elevated, which means I can easily go into a fight or flight state. To combat this, I always start with gratitude for the opportunity and the invitation — because it's true, AND that truth will continue to calm me down.
3) Set the rules and intentions for your time together
Every person, workshop, and room is different. I MUST EDUCATE ALL ATTENDEES ABOUT MY CULTURE FOR TEACHING.
Many people can teach how to communicate, but how they hold that space is very different. I must be very clear with attendees about expectations and behavior rules to follow.
Typically, my rules are:
Safety
Kindness
Curiosity
Fun (Yes, I talk about conflict and family dynamics, but we are allowed to make it fun! Play is highly productive for learning.)
Priya Parker in the Art of Gathering writes a lot about how to be intentional with gathering. I highly recommend her and her work!
4) Lead the group in a short grounding exercise
It’s ok to skip this if you’re not trained in mindfulness, breathwork, yoga, etc.
I am, so I always lead a grounding exercise because not only is nervous system regulation a core part of the EQ of Wealth, but it also allows all attendees to leave behind all their stresses of the day and get present to a valuable learning experience.
To get some centering or meditation exercises, I recommend downloading Insight Timer, Calm, or Headspace. I personally use Insight Timer 2x per day.
5) Start with your story
Our stories are the easiest answer to “why you?”
Why should I be listening to you? What can I learn from you? Why are you teaching this? Stories are also an engaging tool for building trust very quickly.
Here’s a helpful storytelling framework to get you started right. And in case you’re curious, here’s my long and uncensored EQ of Wealth origin story.
6) Let your personality and brand shine through
you are your own secret weapon.
The first time I presented the EQ of Wealth to an investor community, one of the pieces of feedback was the relief in a human-centered presentation shown in color. Most of what’s presented in the finance world is various shades of black, white, grey, and dark blue (for a pop of color). Literally, the color of my brand set me apart.
7) Welcome the wisdom from the group
Peer-to-peer learning is usually the most impactful.
In every workshop, webinar, meeting, or speaking engagement, I’m technically the facilitator, but I consider everyone to be a teacher with valuable wisdom. Make time for questions, break-outs, and group discussion. Wealth-owners tend to be isolated from each other, so if there’s an opportunity to connect, make it happen.
8) Bookend your time together
I find that a short closing ritual where everyone gets to speak really seals the time together with a pretty bow.
My favorite question to ask attendees is:
I typically lead these types of closing rituals, so I start (to set an example), then call out people’s names for time efficiency. The words that tend to come up in this section are grateful, inspired, open, and connected.
What a beautiful note to leave on!
Everyone’s hungry for a bit of genuine connection, and with these steps, I know you’ll bond a group in no time.
Add, delete, experiment, and make it your own! Let me know which tip had the biggest impact for you.
